RECAP: Celebrity Big Brother 2016 launch – the egos have landed

The circus that is Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens, and all 16 celebs entered the house to a mix of cheers and boos as the crowd decided who the ‘villains’ were from the off.

First up was Gemma Collins, who told us in her VT that she was always on a diet, and people should “kiss [her] rather large arse” instead of going on about her weight issues. Never mind about the big arse, it was her big hair that alarmed more! “I’m not one for tasks; not a G.I. Jane”, the TOWIE cast member declared. GC, as she called herself, entered to boos from the crowd.

Next up was EastEnders actor Johnny Partridge. Johnny entered with a more positive reaction from the crowd, stating of himself: “I’m a stickler for personal hygiene, good with authority, here to serve, and do not do well with homophobics in the house”. What will he do if people get bossy with him, host Emma Willis inquired? “I’m gonna take it like a man!” Johnny responded in good sport.

Then came another ‘Enders star, Danniella Westbrook, who she spoke in her VT about her struggles with drug addiction, and how she loved a bit of plastic surgery, having had no fewer that six boob jobs and one nose job. She admitted that she was a “nightmare to live with”, which was met, unsurprisingly, with boos from the crowd.

Next to enter the house was Christopher Maloney. The general response to this so-called ‘celebrity’ was WHO? He was a contestant on the X Factor, for those who still have no idea. He also confessed that he had been good friends with Danniella before they “just fell out”. Apparently their issue has not been resolved as yet, so big awks expected in the house from these former friends.

33-year-old American reality star Tiffany Pollard was our first housemate from across the pond. She proudly called herself ‘Head Bitch in Charge’ and unabashedly claimed she “will take a bitch down” if needs be. “I hope there will be a man or 2 or 3 in the house”, she also said with her feelers out.  The housemates have been warned. Very loud boos for Tiffany. We expect drama from this live wire!

47-year-old West End star and I’m A Celeb alum Darren Day was next in. A self-confessed ‘reformed Love Rat’ and Big Brother fan, he admitted to being completely petrified about entering the house. His wife was in the crowd, but her lone cheers weren’t enough to drown out the fact that Darren was still booed. At this point we note that only Johnny Partridge has managed to enter the house without a hostile reception.

Next, Megan McKenna was a vision in blue. Having found ‘fame’ on MTV’s Ex on the Beach, she’s also unsuccessfully auditioned for both Britain’s Got Talent and the X Factor. Hello, is it fame you’re looking for? She admitted she has a “short fuse”, but hopes to show her “nice side” in her time on CBB.

Claiming to be “the second coming” and planning to spend his whole time standing “against a brick wall if there’s a homosexual in the house”, former Ukip spokesman Winston McKenzie‘s start to the show was already controversial. He received a decided thumbs down from the crowd, with people shouting “OFF!”. There’s always one, isn’t there? Apparently he’s in the running for Mayor of London. Why?!

Meanwhile, inside the house, the Big Brother games had already started, with Johnny and Darren locked in an empty crate away from the other housemates. There was also some sort of task involving roped areas, name plates, and not talking, which the housemates seemed to be as confused by as we were.

Oh, will you look at that? The inimitable David Gest is our second American to enter the house! Famous for marrying fellow waxwork Liza Minnelli in 2002, and for being a childhood friend of the equally sculpted Michael Jackson, the music producer promises he “will say it like it is”. Hopefully there’ll be no holding back from this sure-to-be-good-value housemate. Much cheering for David.

By this point the show has dragged on for over an hour and our interest is waning, but here hoping to stir up some excitement is Geordie Shore ladies man Scotty T. Can anyone else literally hear a barrel being scraped? “I will cook for the fit birds in the house”, he promises, and we’re sure he’ll be ‘stirring up’ a bit of trouble among the ladies, as he says he hopes nanny T won’t be watching. Thinking the “way to woo them is to cook for them”, we’re sure the girls will be happy to hand the pinnies over to this cooking Lothario. We predict his sights will be set on Megan, whom he has apparently “known for ages”.

Hoping to compete with Scotty in the domestic stakes is Strictly Come Dancing’s Siberian siren Kristina Rihanoff, who said she will do the cleaning and cooking in the house. “I will try to be nice to everyone” Kristina responded when asked if she would be the mum of the house. Hoping to make some new friends on the show, we predict the professional dancer and choreographer will be popular, with some possible dance lessons thrown in as well.

With CBB just falling short of getting an actual Kardashian in the house this year, Kim’s BFF Jonathan Cheban will have to do. “My fuse is pretty short, I get irritated easily”, he said, while also stating “I will not be the person cooking or cleaning, but the rest of me is pure entertainment”. Something tells me the housemates won’t be happy with Jonathan deciding not to pull his weight this early on in the game.

US model, actress, and former wife of David Bowie, next contestant Angie Bowie strangely called herself “as sweet as a nut”, and has already asserted herself as a fan favourite to win. She’s already penned two scandalous autobiographies, and we predict her time in the CBB house will give her enough ammo for at least two more. We loved her diva shoes, even if they did cause her to take a near tumble down the stairs.

Speaking of nuts, we last saw Hollyoaks actress Stephanie Davies giving up her I’m A Celeb ambitions due to a nut allergy. Famously fired from Hollyoaks for showing up to set under the influence, the 22-year-old gave herself a great rep by announcing: “I’m really annoying and talk an awful lot and I also sleep talk”. What secrets will be spilled by this Sleeping Beauty, and how will the housemates deal with a nocturnal conversationalist?

Oh dear, what can we say about former ‘Mr. Ireland’ Jeremy McConnell? Stating he “will certainly show off a bit”, there will inevitably be competition between he and Scotty T vying for the girls’ attention. Expect much peacocking and preening from these lads.

Finally into the house was Nancy Dell’Olio, who previously had a high-profile relationship with former England boss Sven Goran-Eriksson. “I am very funny, intelligent, smart and beautiful. I am not a diva”, she said, in spite of her reported six-figure fee for appearing on the show. The non-diva also said she expected Big Brother to ensure that the champagne is cold in the house. Basic rations will certainly not be good enough for someone with her high standards. Not a diva indeed…

How the eclectic mix of these ‘celebrities’ thrown together into the house will arrange themselves into some sort of pecking order should provide us with much drama as the weeks unfold. If they can hold our attention for that long, that is.

Celebrity Big Brother continues tonight at 9pm on 5*